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Post by mooncalled on Aug 18, 2008 10:45:51 GMT 10
The silence that came from Denser was a sad cooling to Sashi's ears. She couldn't expect him to say anything else, for their wasn't much more that he could have said. Sashi somehow always forced other wolves into a corner of not knowing what was going to happen next. Maybe it was her talent but she sure had no idea what she was up to.
She closed her eyes for a moment to take in the whole situation at hand, she had wanted a friend more then anything since she lost her dad, but when she finally asked she had gotten an unsure answer, she had always feared this. But surprisingly to her she hadn't felt the hurt she thought she would, maybe it was because she braced herself for it.
She heard Denser stir and looked at him, he was noticeably shivering. She felt bad for him she herself had become accustomed to the cold, but she couldn't imagine how cold his insides must have been. She couldn't help herself, maybe it was her mom caring nature that made her move closer to Denser's body. She hoped that her white fur would help warm his black one. She would if he was uncomfortable, but she had to at least try.
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Aug 20, 2008 21:26:23 GMT 10
Denser didn't move while thinking. He couldn't describe what he was thinking of nor what he should do now. But he knew it was not the right time to keep silence. HE knew there was somebody who was waiting for his words, for his voice.
He tried to find some words, but there were no one left. So he starred at the snow again. He felt her coming nearer and listened to his insides. Did he want this? Didn't he want this? It was long ago he had felt a warming fur of a fae. There had always been his brother and long ago his sisters. But no one else he could imagine. But it didn't feel bad. It was like a fight against the coldness and now he had a fellow on his side.
Without noticing he himself moved a bit nearer. He had never thought about love. Love to another wolf but his brother. Love between male and female or something like that. There had been no chance and no need. And now? Did he think of something like this? Shouldn't he be ashamed of thinking of something like this while Sashi had helped him, had asked him to be her friend?
Calmly he asked without wanting to: "Do you know love?"
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Post by mooncalled on Aug 22, 2008 1:32:39 GMT 10
Sashi threw her head up at Denser's question, she felt bad afterward for her actions, but she hadn't expected that at all. She relaxed her body and calmed her breathing back to normal. She couldn't help but think of those pale grey eyes, the way they pierced into her soul. She hated those eyes and would never forgive them either.
Coming back to her body she looked at Denser's eyes, they were the most brilliant blue she had ever seen. They held such a tale and song that she couldn't help but stare into them deeply. Sashi looked up at the star covered night, she sometimes wished she was a star. They seemed so far away from hurt and so free, just hanging in the sky with no rules or pain.
Sashi looked at Denser once more I have never thought to know love. Sashi never even thought to look after what had happened because of love. Love causes a pain greater then any wound. Have you ever know love? Sashi looked at Denser harder, she had to feel his answer to know if it was true.
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Aug 23, 2008 22:20:31 GMT 10
Denser hesitated. He didn't look at Sashi, he didn't want to see her face, her reaction. Maybe she was frightened of what he had asked? Maybe she was angry about him asking such a question, he didn't know. But he didn't want to know at all.
He waited for her answer, quiet and keeping silent. He looked into the snow and felt her eyes upon him but didn't react.
Her answer was suprisingly in one way. But on the other hand, why should it be that extraordinary? He thought of his answer. Well, he didn't have to think of for long. He had never know the love to a fae. But there was a reason for it.
"No, I don't", he answered. She was truely to him, why should he lie now? "I flew from it, a long time ago", he added. He had never wanted to feel something deeper or stronger than the feeling to his brother. And he had never done so.
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Post by mooncalled on Aug 24, 2008 3:43:23 GMT 10
Sashi knew that Denser's words were wholesome, it was true that she too had run away from affection. But for much different reasons she was certain, Sashi had no real reason to want that kind of affection at her age back then. And now it was only a reminder of hurt that she could help but struggle to get past. Sashi moved her gaze away from Denser, she lowed her white head to her paws and looked out into the night.
No one had ever been able to break through her tough cold soul in all her young years, but Denser had reached her soul in less then a couple of hours. Something about him just made her want to open up. Maybe it was because his situation was similar to hers, maybe it was because she saved his life. Or maybe it was because she didn't want to be all alone anymore. Sure she could pull of the act of being moved on and completely healed. But she was still hurting deep inside, she had excepted her father's fate. But held a passionate grudge on the life going on around her.
Why didn't you accept it? the question was straight forward. She knew that it was a nosy question and that most would become angry at her forwardness, but she couldn't help but wonder why? Denser had excepted to live a life all alone, so long ago.
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Aug 26, 2008 0:19:32 GMT 10
Denser thought of her question. And he wondered what he was doing. He was talking to a stranger about the deepest insides of himself without caring. But on the other hand it was the most familiar conversation, the closest he had ever have except the ones with his brother. And as he thought of it he noticed that he didn't care.
"Being loved?", he asked. He didn't notice she wasn't looking at him anymore. But he wouldn't have reacted. How should he? So he thought of the answer he had to give. He wanted to give. "I think I had the feeling to have to earn it. To proove to be the right to be loved."
He didn't lie. He always had the feeling to have to proove he was the right for something. The right one to live with his brother, the right one to be loved. He could get rid of this feeling, even now he felt he was the wrong to lay besides her, feeling her warm fur and hearing her voice talking to him.
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Post by mooncalled on Aug 26, 2008 7:21:12 GMT 10
Sashi couldn't help but smile, it was so strange to her how Denser had some of her morals. She too believed in earning a title by hard work and honesty. But she was never really sure how to accept the small fact that she earned it. Sashi grew up with many friends and other wolves that would say they loved her. But after the incident they all seemed to disappear, it was hard lesson she had learned at a young age.
Sashi tilted her head toward Denser, she wondered if he had learned the lesson of earning, or if he had always just believed in it. One thing was for sure Denser seemed to have always been hard on himself. Sashi knew what it was like to be care free, to feel alive with no regrets. But now she felt as though she had been pushed from the light, casted away into the darkness. But for reason unknown to her own mind, Denser seemed like her light at the moment, a fae to relieve her of the darkness. Have you ever know no worries?
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Aug 27, 2008 22:44:14 GMT 10
Denser hesitated. He had no reason to lie anymore. He had said so many things, it didn't care what he was going to say next. And he had the strange feeling that he was not able to lie anymore. Not in front of her.
Has he ever been without worries? Was there a time he was able to feel free? To stop prooving what he was? what he earned? He was not sure at all. And he was sad about this because he knew he should have been. Yes, he was. In front of his brother he had the feeling to be accepted. To be what he was and not having to be somebody else.
But he had alsways had the feeling to have to proove himself. To show he was good enough to be with his brother, to be alive. He always had the feeling of being less than the world was ready to accept. His father had never accepted him. He had always said Denser would be a dreamer. And so he had left the pack and had forbitten himself to dream. What was it now? He felt as if he had lost the skill to dream.
"No ...", he started, "no, I don't think so."
And stzill he had doubts about his right to live and dream.
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Post by mooncalled on Aug 30, 2008 6:22:31 GMT 10
Sashi couldn't help but feel sorry for him, she had wished that Denser had known such a world. Where is mind could wonder and be free, where his biggest dreams had a chance to come true. Sashi knew that even though she missed that life it was better to have known it, it was like love.
The darn emotion had crushed her, and torn at her insides with out caution or care. But she was glad she had once felt it others wise who knew where she would have been now. She knew not next to Denser maybe not even on this earth. She looked at him once more, so many thoughts and things that had once been buried away had risen because of this wolf; feelings she thought she never feel again had become strong in her blood.
Denser wasn't just some fae that she had happened to meet, no she was sure of that much. Denser was gift from her father, in some strange way he had brought the two together. Maybe with help from Denser's brother, but she could feel that he was there for a reason. The only thing was she didn't know what that reason was just yet. Thank you, Denser Sashi said quietly.
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Sept 3, 2008 9:12:03 GMT 10
Denser didn't want to look at Sashi or anything else. In some strange and stupid way, he felt embarrassed for what he was. Yes, he felt naked, without arms or shields. Like a small puppy which was not able to see the world around, yet. Like a tress without leaves. He couldn't describe it and was angry about himself.
But he didn't want to look at Sashi, feeling like somebody who was not ready to live on this earth. Busy with these strange thoughts, he didn't really get the thing when Sashi said "thank you". Why did she thank him?
he couldn't help but had to look at her, a bit surprised. "Why do you thank me?", he asked not noticing how stupid his words could sound.
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Post by mooncalled on Sept 8, 2008 7:30:13 GMT 10
Sashi smiled she didn't expect anything less from the black wolf. She knew that her thank you was out of place, and that most would ask her why she would say such a thing? But, she had always been the type to tell what she felt when she felt that the feeling was too strong to hide from another.
I say thank you for a simple reason, she looked at him even more. She herself wasn't exactly sure why she had thanked him either, she knew he had helped her realize. But did that kind of action deserve a thank you. You helped me see things I had over looked before.
(Sorry it's short)
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Sept 12, 2008 6:45:06 GMT 10
Denser was really surprised. He couldn't follow her and that was what he looked like. He didn't know how to answer without sounding very rude. So he decided to keep quiet.
He thought of sleeping. It wasn't that dangerous to sleep while somebody was lying on your side and he trusted her even when he didn't know why. But although he was very tired, he didn't want to sleep. He was feeling like he feared he could pass something. It was stupid, he knew. But he didn't want to pass anything. However, he didn't know what exactly he could pass.
He looked at Sashi an answered: "There is no need in thanking for something like that." His words were meant true, but he himself felt really grateful for being given the feeling to be needed.
He could help but felt even more tired and without noticing he shut his eyes and fall asleep.
[Writing rubbish X.x He's sleeping now, I'll be off for a week. Maybe we could make a time shift after I'm back? Just a few hours.]
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