Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Jun 20, 2008 20:41:57 GMT 10
Denser listened to Sashis' words. And he noticed her hesitating, understanding her problem in answering. But he didn't say anything. Her answer was quit different from this one he would gave, or he would have given, if he had been up to talk about himself.
But now he had to answer and so he thought about his words. He knew what he was able to, in the truest sense of the word. But even as he didn't have to say anything about this, he didn't want to answer. He didn't want to reduce himself to an odd skill. And he knew that everything he thought to know about himself was lapsed, was silly and foolish to build on.
"I don't know", he started, "what kind of attributes you are calling skills."
His voice kept icy and his eyes, too. He didn't want to affront her and he was not angry about this question. It was an attempt to start a conversation, to get to know them better. But he had learnt that nobody knows him. Even not he himself.
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HalfMoon
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Feb 27th%\2\%
Posts: 772
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Post by HalfMoon on Jun 21, 2008 22:40:18 GMT 10
Azalea considered the answers in a positive fashion. They were vague and uncertain, Denser had made it clear he didn't know what an ability was. She ignored the cold tone in his voice, taking time to consider what she would answer if anyone asked her. Her fur was far from camouflage material, just as Sashi's, and she had less experience then Sashi or Denser in hunting, she was pretty certain of that. Her small frame did hold an advantage when agility was concerned, but then, how could that be a skill?
'Let me re-phase the question' Azalea said with an awkward smile, thinking of how to go about things. Perhaps she should just leave it until she knew the two better, or three including Altar in any case. She could find out for herself if she got to know them. She sighed inwardly; the conversation was already struck, and far from it being progressive, it did get a few words out of Denser. If it led nowhere at least they would know each other a bit better by the end. She wouldn't have known the advantages of having large paws, after all, had Sashi not mentioned anything.
'What are you good at?' Azalea asked, glancing curiously at her dainty paws, wondering what it would be like to have larger ones. 'What do you like to do?' She added, realising the first question, although opening the doors a little wider, was really just re asking the question nobody really knew how to answer. She knew it was no real answer to Denser's question, but she was hoping that whatever hobbies the two had would be enough to find an answer.
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Post by mooncalled on Jun 22, 2008 0:03:09 GMT 10
Sashi listened to Denser simple reply of I don't know, that would have been easier, then trying to pull something out of thin air. But she didn't want to upset her new alphess. Sashi knew what happened when you upset an alpha. Ultimately it had been the reason she left her home. Denser however wasn't afraid of enraging an alpha, his words still held the sting of ice. Looking toward Denser, Sashi had to admit that she was envious of what she considered bravery toward an alpha.
Turning her attention back to Azalea she looked at the young alphess, she seemed to be pondering herself what a skill really was. The question had been a hard one to really answer, but Sashi thought that her answer had been considered when Azalea looked at paws. Azalea's next questions was an easier one, but still it Sashi had to think. What were her hobbies? Did she even have any? Not really having any come to mind, Sashi decided to wait for Denser to reply to the questions at hand.
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Jun 22, 2008 2:58:09 GMT 10
Denser knew that Sashi was now waiting for him to speak first. But he was not up to speak about himself at all. And this questions weren't the one that really cared. He could understand that Azaela tried hard to be a good Alphess and to do things right. That was the only reason why he was still here. But he was not able to bring up the necessary patience for her questions now.
"I'm here. That's all I can say", was his not really polite answer. He didn't want to make things worse. And it was not his nature to make things worse, even not if somebody tried really hard to do the right things. But he was not ready to talk about himself. Not this way. Not like in a circle standing there and saying: "Hello, my name is Denser and I just killed my brother."
He thought of turning around and going his way. Maybe it was better this way. He didn't want to destroy more things. He didn't want to damage further life. His thoughts were reflected in his bearing. His muscles were strained, tough his close fur didn't show it. His ears turned around and he just wanted to go now.
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Post by mooncalled on Jun 22, 2008 5:38:27 GMT 10
Denser's reply to Azalea's question came out almost harsh sounding to Sashi. She wondered if her asking anything at all about position was a good idea, but she didn't want to over step her boundaries. She didn't want to end up like her father after all, but she knew he died in honor, not fear or betrayal. Still she wasn't sure if she had his courage running through her veins, he died protecting what he believed in. Sashi on the other hand had remained in the shadows, watching the masters and learning from the sidelines rather then experiencing them herself.
So when it came to what she liked to do, she really hadn't done anything to know what she liked. At this point though all she had in her mind was surviving. Sure things might be easier now that she had others around her, but still how did she know if they would help her for sure. Her gazed back of forth between Azalea and Denser, she guessed to break the growing tension it was her turn to speak. I like to live.
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HalfMoon
Creator
Feb 27th%\2\%
Posts: 772
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Post by HalfMoon on Jun 22, 2008 21:41:30 GMT 10
Azalea was more then taken aback by Denser's answer. It was very clear by his tone that he didn't wish to reveal anything about himself and his words seemed unreasonable to her. She tried not to take it in such a bad way, but it seemed to bury her good spirits in the ground. Hadn't he asked her what she considered skills? She had done her best to come up with an answer. Sashi's answer did nothing to help calm her mood. It was an attempt at lightening the mood, Azalea knew, but it only helped to darken her mood further.
Her fur bristled slightly with anger and she forced her already glazed eyes to remain dry, hardening her expression, her ears hanging just above the back of her skull. She studied Denser a moment, trying to work out what he was thinking behind his cold exterior, and why he had answered her questions, much more personal ones in her opinion, earlier. She had never really put such effort into anything besides hunting really, there was nothing else she had ever really done that required such input. 'Well' Azalea said flatly, unable to hide her emotion 'I guess I will leave you to work it out then.'
She didn't wait for a response, turning and stalking away from the river, between the two. She held her head high and her pace, although brisk, at a walk, but all she wanted to do was be alone to sort out her feelings. Denser didn't have to be here, she wasn't forcing him to stay, she wasn't forcing anyone. Azalea could work out why he would react like that to a simple question, and if he had any reason to act in such a manner then what was stopping her.
[ooc/ I keep trying to use the wrong colour, poke me if I use silver again!]
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Jun 22, 2008 22:54:27 GMT 10
Denser followed her with his icy eyes but didn't move. If it was her will to go, he wouldn't bar her. But now the question of going or not has gone. He didn't have to anymore, because she wouldn't ask him further. If he'd stay or not, he could not say. But he didn't have to flee anymore.
Maybe it was the best to go. She couldn't handle with him, nobody could except somebody with more patience than brain, he guessed. So it would be the best to go. But he didn't. For heaven's sake, he didn't!
His look went down to the earth and his black paws. He was nobody that needed many wolves aorund himself. But he needed somebody. He needed a job to survive. But did he want to survive? Did he want to stay in this world? He would have deserved the death and maybe he would glad to be dead. but what should he do? He didn't know. All he knew was that he was here.
[occ: What's wrong with your color?]
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Post by mooncalled on Jun 23, 2008 2:43:52 GMT 10
Watching Azalea stalk off with her proud head held high caused Sashi to feel responsible, if only she kept her mouth shut. Lowering her tail she felt ashamed, no matter where she went wolves got hurt or in arguments. Sashi looked over to Denser he seemed alone, this only made her feel worse. She watched him as he looked at his paws.
His face and eyes colder then they seemed before, Sashi knew that look well. She had seen it in her own Carmel eyes many times, that's why she never opened her eyes while drinking from springs or rivers. She couldn't bare that look, it was one that asked the question of existence. Lowering her head she felt vile for making Denser question his life.
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for her to join another pack after all. It was clear to her that she was only trouble to others, a life a solitude could be the best way to make sure she didn't cause trouble. But she didn't want that life, she didn't want to be alone and forgotten. Her eyes still watched Denser, but she was deep in thought she wondered if he had felt the same loneliness?
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HalfMoon
Creator
Feb 27th%\2\%
Posts: 772
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Post by HalfMoon on Jun 25, 2008 20:21:01 GMT 10
Azalea felt with each step a little less confident as she left the two. It would give them time to think without pressure, she knew, and she was sick of trying to help for the time being, it would give her time to think things through. She felt, even more then her confidence slipping, her regret at her reaction. She should have more patience, she decided, but there was no undoing the past.
How could she leave the two? They were new here, just as she was, they wouldn't know where to go or what was going on. As Alphess she should know better then to leave new members to a land they didn't know. Not without helping them, or having someone to help them. She realised it was silly to bid Altar farewell. He knew the land better then all of them, he would've probably been a great help. With a heavy sigh she meandered to a slow and, although her thoughts told her it was for the better, reluctant stop.
She glanced back slightly over her shoulder. She had managed to walk some distance, but not out of sight. Azalea flickered her ears back indignantly, turning back to Sashi and Denser and started back slowly. She wasn't about to run back.
[ooc/ nothing, I just use silver for Azreal, don't worry it's not important!]
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Jun 27, 2008 22:18:11 GMT 10
Denser didn’t want to make her flee. But he also didn’t want to hold her back. It was not his job to do so and maybe she was right. He had to right to be here or to stay here. And he had no right to give such unpolite answers. It was not new to him. He had had an similar situation long before. His father wanted him to do what he wanted. To follow, to listen when he spoke, to answer when he wanted him to and to keep silent all the rest of his life.
The black had never been somebody who kept silent when there was something to say. He had changed, what he did now was nothing else than to torture himself cruelly. He was bright and polite. Or he had been. He had loved his brother and he had been warm and heartful. But this seemed to be past and gone. When he looked into his reflection, he didn’t recognise the wolf he saw.
He lowered his head, then looked again into the direction where Azaela had been gone a few heartbeats before. ”There is no excuse for my behaviour”, he suddenly started, ”but I’m really sorry. Maybe it’d please you to tell her this.” He looked at Sashi ad the only movement inside him that could be seen on his face was regret.
Then he stood up and went on for going into the other direction. As he past the water, he stopped for a moment and looked into the water. Where had he gone? Where had the wolf gone who had been able to laugh and live? Maybe he had died with his brother.
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HalfMoon
Creator
Feb 27th%\2\%
Posts: 772
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Post by HalfMoon on Jul 5, 2008 22:54:10 GMT 10
Azalea watched Denser appologise and stand to walk away. She could just hear the apology, enough to tell it was such, and it made her feel a little bit better. She should probably apologise too, she thought. But maybe there was no need to, her reaction was probably for the best. Though, being moody wasn't a good thing and she should've tried to understand both Sashi's and Denser's position a little better.
Azalea considered running, keeping her pace at a walk as she thought it over. She didn't want to rush back, even though the apology had lifted her spirits, she still felt the reaction unreasonable. With slight reluctance, she urged herself into a slight trot, covering the ground faster then she intended too. She slowed as she reached Denser, walking away. He still lingered at the water a moment, seemingly contemplating his reflection.
'Where do you want to go?' she asked, the question seemed odd and random considering her previous actions, but her voice was quite and blunt. Azalea wanted to help, and she didn't want anyone to be lost. It could be dangerous in the lands, especially if you ran into a larger predator. Especially by yourself.
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Jul 6, 2008 1:07:03 GMT 10
Denser hesitated for a moment. He hadn't heard Azaela coming back. Or he just had not wanted to hear her. He was not sure. Now he rose his head, looked not to her but in the other direction and said calmly but decided: 'I don't know. Maybe there is a place for somebody like me somewhere.'
It didn't sound like he was pitying himself. But he didn't mean exactly what he had said. Instead of this he just went on. It was better, sure. He didn't want to affront her any longer. It was not his job nor his right to do so. And he didn't want to destroy another life.
His paws went calmly, just like they didn't want to move at all. And he even regretted to go now. Just a bit but enough. But he could not do anything else. It was his fate, he had lost the skill to live amongst wolves. There was nothing left of this warmhearted brother and friend. He was empty and he was not strong enough to let something fill him again.
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Post by mooncalled on Jul 7, 2008 13:30:35 GMT 10
Sashi listened to Denser and lowered her head, she wondered why he was so distant. Yes, she knew what it was like to be distant, she had traveled alone for a long while now. But she had never really been as distant as he was. She wasn't sure if she was right about him being alone, but she wasn't going to find out.
She watched as his black form slowly walked away, she wasn't sure if she should do anything at all. Moving her head to look behind her, Sashi turned her body and walked back to her hiding place. She didn't want to seem rude to the two so she waited there until, the two were okay with each other.
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HalfMoon
Creator
Feb 27th%\2\%
Posts: 772
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Post by HalfMoon on Jul 7, 2008 22:31:54 GMT 10
Azalea took a deep breath as she watched Denser retreat. It was not really to calm herself, and if it had been it would've done a poor job. She didn't really know what he had meant, but then she was beginning to realise that maybe he didn't know what he said, or why. Always hinting at something more, something he didn't want to tell. She didn't know why he would hint at it if he didn't want anyone to know. Perhaps he was just waiting for the right one to tell.
'What do you mean, somebody like you?' she called after him, still a little annoyed, though growing less and less so by the moment. She sighed a little when she realised she was holding her breath. She glanced apologetically at Sashi, noticing she was looking patient, and not wishing to be involved. Azalea didn't blame the white wolf, she wished that she could swap places right now.
'You're a fine wolf,' she started, taking a few steps in the direction he was meandering 'I don't see any reason there isn't a place for you here'. She knew it was probably hopeless, and hoped the events wouldn't become mockery in the future; Azalea felt she was handling the whole situation rather poorly.
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Denser Iscariot
Accepted
I'm a Traitor I'm one of God's mistakes%\0\%
Posts: 88
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Post by Denser Iscariot on Jul 8, 2008 5:32:19 GMT 10
Denser hesitated for a few very long beats of his heart. There was a chance. It was like words making a >klick< in his head, saying: Look here! Take it! But he didn't he stopped walking for a moment, just for giving the right answer.
Maybe it was nice of Azaela to say something like that. But it was nothing more than politeness. She didn't know him, she didn't know what he had done. And if she had known she would have told him to leave them. And she would have been right.
He shook his head, look at the earth and answered: 'I don't think, there is a place in this world for me. Not anymore. I have to thank you for your words. But it's better for you, for everyone.' The first time since many days there was something like emotion in his voice; sadness. Maybe he was not able anymore to live amongst wolves. There was no smile left on his face.
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